I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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