I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
