i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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