called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
