Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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