Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
