Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
