Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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