Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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