Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
