Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
