Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
