I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
