Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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