She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
