I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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