omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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