On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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