Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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(818): View more from California

Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself

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(650): View more from California

That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty

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(562): View more from California

as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.

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(714): View more from California

You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?

(307): View more from Wyoming

Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.

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(303): View more from Colorado

whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI

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