How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
