I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize