Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
