weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
