he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
