omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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