8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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