no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
