Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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