Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
