Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think i have herpe
just one?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
