So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
