Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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