So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
