someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
