Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize