I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
