Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
