I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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