absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
