He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
