So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
