dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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