You're so nebulous sometimes
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
