Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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