You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
