The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize