I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
