peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
