Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
