i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
