I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
