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• (619): View more from California

  i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday

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• (716): View more from New York

  You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...

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• (347): View more from New York

  All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night

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• (518): View more from New York

  i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.

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