Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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