The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
