My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
