umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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