when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
