Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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