Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
