So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
