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It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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