I wish I could teleport
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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